Appreciating Where You Are in Your Journey

It's important for us to slow down and take stock in where we are in our lives now. 

There's a lot that I want to adjust in my life right now, causing me to be completely consumed with growing and expanding and reaching and dreaming. All are great experiences to have, and necessary for evolution, but the need for these things has clouded my thoughts. My mind has been racing, jumping from thought to thought, but in reality, nothing was changing. I'm still here. Still in my life situation. 

One recent night, I sat at my kitchen table, typing away on my laptop. I felt compelled to write, a new outlet for me, and the words just poured out onto the screen, uncontrollably, like a fire hose. There was so much thought that needed to manifest into something, anything, really. It didn't matter what it was, it just needed a release. 

It was in that moment that I realized how far removed my mind had gotten from my body - from my present situation. It was reeling and turning and twisting and growing - expanding so fast I could hardly keep up with the typing. And the second I realized this, I it all came right back to me - sitting at that table. I took inventory of my surroundings. There were so many ideas I had about my future, so many things I wanted to try, and places I wanted to go. I wanted and wanted and wanted. But looking around me, I realized that my life is most certainly here and now. While I believe it's absolutely critical to know what we want out of life - our dreams, desires, hopes, and aspirations - it's also just as important to recognize and appreciate what we have available to us now. 

If I want to achieve x, y, or z, it may not be possible right this second, with the resources I have, but it could be possible a year from now, or in 10 years. If I'm certain about where I want to 'end up', but choose to honor where I'm at in my life currently, it changes my perspective. I look at my situation in a way that allows me to see what opportunities I do have, that can foster growth and prosperity. There may very well be true obstacles standing in my way, but if I've actually taken account of what they are, chances are, there's a solution available that can help me work with them. It's all about creative constraints, right?

Ever since that moment in my kitchen, I've realized that my present situation is quite a blessing. I have so much to be grateful for, even in the areas that seem less 'fortunate'. Each limitation is an opportunity to problem-solve and therefore, evolve. Whether it be time, finances, energy, etc, it's about how we choose to use those resources, that shapes who we become, and how we get from point A to point B. 

For example, it's taken a while for me to warm up to living in Oakland. Having moved from Walnut Creek, where everything is beautiful, safe, and secluded, I'm now in a more urban setting. It's not as luxurious as I'm used to, but there are definitely some wonderful attributes to acknowledge. I'm closer to work, closer to friends, and closer to just about everything in the bay area. I feel like I can take advantage of so many more things that I've wanted to experience while living out here. I look forward to the day when I can move back to Walnut Creek, though, but I can't get caught up in that need. It's not in the cards for me right now. But when the time is right, you can bet your breeches that I'll be back there. In the meantime, though, it's critical that I stop, take a deep breath, and really appreciate what I have in my life right now. There's much to enjoy and be thankful for. I get to live in an incredible part of the country, in my own little apartment, and commute to a super cool job that I love going to each and every day. 

This realization helped calm my mind. It doesn't mean it hasn't taken control and gone reeling again, but now I can recognize when it's happening, and stop and experience my life in the present moment. I can say to myself, 'Okay, you're excited about x, y, or z, but what's going on in your life right now that you can apply this to? What changes can you make today? What is in your control, and what do you get to relinquish?' 

Trusting that we're right where we need to be - always - is the key to reaching the bigger goal. We have to appreciate where we are right now in our journey, or else we'll never make it to our destination. Our 'why' is our driving force, but our direct experience with life is what allows us to realize just how far we've come, and how much more traveling we get to do. 

While we're here, let's stop and take some photos, eat some food, and just soak it all in. We'll get to where we want to be, but this moment is our only opportunity to experience, appreciate, and enjoy where we are right now. 


Introducing Painting #8: The Golden Gate (4x4 inches, watercolor)

Original Instagram Photo:

In Memory of a Loving Friend

This weekend, my family had to say goodbye to one of its members. Charlie had joined us in early 2000, after a sudden loss of one of our former goldens. He hailed from Phoenix, and was the sweetest dog we had ever encountered. He never complained, and always come to our side if he sensed unhappiness or distraught. He always wanted us to be happy, and took it upon himself to make sure of it. He never once wanted to be a burden or inconvenient. He internalized so much so as to make us pleased with him. Of course, we loved him no matter what, and his ongoing health issues (triggered by our emotional fluxuations), were a constant struggle. Regardless, we'd do anything for him, but as time wore on, so did his body. He lasted over 15 years, unheard of for most golden retrievers, and definitely longer than any of our prior ones.

We learned so much about dogs over the years with Charlie, mainly regarding how tied they are to their owners emotionally. Their loyalty is unparalleled to that of humans', and our emotional state has such an impact on theirs. As a dog who never made a peep, never once fussed about anything, even in his later years when he couldn't go on walks anymore, and had to stay home, Charlie never once complained.

On his last day, a giant tumor was discovered occupying his gut, pushing all of his other organs out of the way, and hoarding blood. He was acting spacey and lightheaded, and was so lethargic, he had to be carried out of the house. The tumor had been growing for years, unbenounced to any of us. He seemed to act normally, never in pain. He had trouble standing, but we assumed it was from old age, not due to a suffering abdomen.

The devastating diagnosis came as a surprise, but also provided relief. Knowing what pain he was enduring could finally come to an end allowed us to make the call. There was little chance he'd even survive a surgery, so the answer was clear. Charlie's suffering was brought to an end Saturday afternoon, and was released to run free with his late friend, Bucky, who passed away almost six years ago.

What's ironic, is that the tumor that brought Charlie's life to an end, also caused his successee, Molly, to be put down. It's a common cancer that golden retrievers face - their one and only flaw. What's more interesting, though, is that both dogs shared a similar personality. They internalized. They didn't want us to be unhappy, so they would take it upon themselves to be by our side, never complaining about their own pain, their own suffering. They held it in, and it manifested in their gut.

It's an important lesson for us all. We have to be vocal. We can't internalize for the sake of making someone else happy. We have no control over someone else's emotions. Their reactions to us are rooted in their own experience, not our actions. We have to complain, we have to express our feelings, even if it's inconvenient for someone else. The body alone cannot digest these powerful emotions.

Let us also recognize the ones in our life that are less likely to be vocal. Just because they aren't complaining, doesn't mean they aren't suffering. Ususally they're the ones who are suffering more, but don't want to displease us by talking about it. I know I have these tendencies. I am much more likely to internalize (and get sick), than to confront the issue head on. I've noticed that when I get sick, it's because I haven't dealt with some deeper issue, and it isn't until I recognize and honor what's going on below the surface, that I begin to heal.

Our animals can teach us so much about ourselves: how to live and love unconditionally, how to live in the present moment, and how to face the emotions that our evironment evokes. The joy brought on by having dogs in our lives has far outweighed the hardest moments when we have to say goodbye; when we have to unclip the leash and release them to God. There isn't a day that goes by where we aren't more alivened, awakened, and present, as when we're in the presence of dogs. They are a gift, that each person should have the opportunity to experience. We should remember, too, that a heart broken by the loss of a dog, is quickly healed by the love of another.

Goodbye Charlie, may you run wild and free through the fields of heaven.


Painting #6: Baby Charlie (3x4 inches, watercolor)

Original Instagram Photo (original photo taken Jan, 2000):

Do the Work Anyway

There's nothing harder than muscling through work that you just don't feel like doing. When you get home, and the domestic responsibilities scream out your name, like laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc, there's no left-over energy to devote to your creative commitments.

At least that's how it was for me this week. After returning home from my vacation in Las Vegas, where I proudly produced work despite of my busy schedule there, I found it really hard to get back into my routine. I was still pulling clothes from the suitcase that I had yet to unpack, and last night was finally a time when I could get sorted and do my housechores. Painting was the farthest from my mind.

And then I turned on the Seanwes Podcast, and listened to episode 154, called 'Perseverance and Sticking with Commitments'. As I was folding laundry, what he said reminded me of how important it is to just do the work, regardless of what excuses I'd laid out in front of me (literally, and figuratively). 

So I put my clothes away, and pulled out my paints. It was 9:30 at this point, usually when I start get ting ready for bed, but that didn't matter anymore. I had to follow through with what I set out to do. I was a day late at this point (I wanted to post every Monday and Thursday), so I was ready to throw in the towel. Do people even look at what I do? Will they even know the difference? Does it even matter?

The answer, of course, is YES. It does matter! It matters to be consistent and to show up with quality work, as much as possible. If I feel like doing two paintings a week is overkill, that I really don't have enough time or energy, that's fair. I can scale back. But I truly believe that I can do it. It's just a matter of making it a priority. 

So I started painting, and here it is:

Painting #5: Rainbow Sprinkles (4x4 inches, watercolor)

Original Instagram Photo:

I probably picked an image that was way too hard for me, especially when it was so late in the day, and I was frustrated already, but maybe it wasn't by accident. Maybe it represented something greater. Maybe it meant muscling through even the toughest challenges, when I could have easily selected something easier.

It's about putting ourselves out there, despite the complexity of what we're doing. It's not going to be easy. There will be times when it lets up, but it's going to take a lot of time and practice to get to a point when it is easy. I look back on the days when I was training my late horse Tucker, and it was  so easy to get frustrated. Neither of us really knew what we were doing. He was young and learning things for the first time, and I was learning how to cope with that. I wanted to give up so many times with him. I had no more to give, but I kept showing up anyway. I knew I had no other choice. So, we muscled our way through the tough parts, and slowly we began to understand each other. When we finally 'clicked', there was nothing we couldn't do. I no longer needed anyone else's help with him. What we had was so powerful, that we accomplished things I never dreamed of. 

Looking back on those moments will help me overcome the struggles I face today. And I don't even have a 1000 pound animal to work against. This is all me. My energy, my impostor, my insecurities, and my stubbornness. I can't improve if I don't continuously show up, despite the circumstances I'm facing. 

Sweat it out. Cry it out. Punch it out. It's not going to be easy, but it's going to be worth it. Do the work, anyway.

Oh, and remember, you're painting. Or riding a horse. It's not that bad... 

Your 'When' and 'Where' Are Not Excuses

Choose to work from anywhere, be it an airplane, or your mother's dining room table. 

As I embarked on a weekend trip to Las Vegas, I was worried about getting my posts out on schedule. I knew that I was going to be pressed for time, and I started to get overwhelmed. I was preparing for a talk I was giving at my mom's school about the inner-workings of animation production, which left me little time and energy to work on my painting project, (or anything else, for that matter). I didn't want to delay 'showing up' altogether, though, so I made a quick sketch of me and my friend Kirsten, holding playing cards (an image I had shared last spring during her birthday party), to commemorate our upcoming weekend in Vegas. But I had yet to make a post or create a painting, despite my public announcement of posting twice a week. 

Staying consistent is hard, and creating quality work in a short time-frame is even harder, but I didn't want to sacrifice the quality of my work for the sake of getting something out on time. I knew it would be a challenge to get something I was proud of sharing out into the world, especially since I enjoy coupling my painting posts with a thought-out blog post.

Visits at my mom's house, while usually low key and fun, are not always conducive to creating original content. We usually fill our time with going to the movies, walking the dog, vegging out on the sofa, etc., but I wanted this experience to be different. There was an hour where I knew I could just sit and check social media, or I could whip out my mom's water colors, and make a quick painting. I usually only give myself an hour anyway, so I knew I could (and would) turn something around quickly.

I chose an image I had taken about a year ago of her dog, George. He's allowed on her leather sofas, and chooses to perch on them almost all the time. He'll typically fall asleep on them when she's out of the house, or home watching tv. It's quite amusing, and I try to capture as many pictures of it as I can. You can see a lot of these by searching #georgeisgolden on Instagram.
It was also my mom's birthday this weekend, and I wanted to use one of my weekly paintings as a gift for her. I chose to create this one of George because he had yet to be a subject of fine art, and plus I figured she'd love it. I was right. :)
Here's painting #4: Couch Potato (4x4 inches, watercolor)

Original Instagram photo:

I'm proud of myself for sitting down and just doing it. Setting the goal of producing two paintings a week has helped me make it a priority, even when I'm on 'vacation'. It's proof that you can make it work wherever you are, whatever you're doing, using whatever resources you have. I lucked out, because my mom had watercolor supplies (she's a high school art teacher), but I would have brought them with me had she not been equipped.

When we set goals, declare them publicly, and choose to show up (while maintaining quality), amazing things happen. We create work we wouldn't have otherwise created. The images I'm choosing for my project aren't what I would consider 'easy', which is why only giving myself an hour to paint them is actually thrilling. I don't have the luxury of perfectionism (in high school, it would have taken me two months to finish a painting). I can't over-obsess about how hard the image is to paint, because there is no time for it. I've made the decision to show up and create, so that's what I'm going to do.

Even with this blog post, I'm using my flight back from Las Vegas to Oakland to write it. I've got my iPad out on the tray table, intermittently typing in between bouts of turbulence. This is my time, sans distractions, and I'm choosing to use it this way. It's important to me to consistently produce quality content and to share it with my followers. 

This is a process for me - a new experience - and I get excited by new ideas and 'aha' moments, primarily because I get to write about them. I'm choosing to show up and create, regardless of where I am and what my circumstances are. It's never going to be easy, but it's a challenge to take seriously enough to follow through. And you know what? I'm having a ton of fun! It's a purpose I never thought I'd have, and I'm truly enjoying the process, especially when I'm on vacation. 

Who knew?! :)

Creative Constraints Revisited, and the Act of Showing Up

So, I've set on this journey to create constraints for myself. So far, I like what's happening. I'm actually creating art. I'm doing it. I'm proving to myself that I can create, curate and share. That I can set a schedule and stick to it. Is it easy? No. Is it worth being able to share my creations with the world? Absofriggenlutely! Am I getting a lot out of inspiring others to do the same? More than I ever imagined! That's actually the best part! My decision to do this was really to get me out of my creative rut, and to hold myself publicly accountable. But I wasn't really thinking about how it would inspire others to uncover their creative abilities as well. That's what it's all about, right?

The constraints I made have kept choice out of the equation. The hardest part is choosing an image to paint from, so I should remove that as well. Because I currently have this choice, I'm picking and choosing based on what I think might be easier or less time consuming. I thought the hibiscus would be a simple one, but it turned out to be way more complex than I thought. And some of the ones that I think will be hard may not be at all.

What's happening is I'm retraining my brain to look at things differently - to break what I'm seeing down to its parts: where the shadows are falling, how the object is shaped, where it falls compositionally, and more. It's tuning my eye, as well as my eye-to-hand coordination. I also feel like my handwriting has improved drastically! Too bad you can't see it with all this typing...

This has also opened me up to realize that if I do want to create something, all I have to do is schedule the regular time for it. Consistency and limitations are key. If I want to write a screenplay, or shoot a video, or paint a picture off my Instagram feed, all I have to do is be deliberate with my goal, and my time. Right now, it's just about breaking through my creative block. It's also about recognizing this process, and the importance of constraints, as well as the effectiveness of showing up.

Showing up is half the battle. Once I've decided that Wednesday night is my night to paint, Wednesday night is my night to paint. But if I'm going to be busy on Wednesday (queue Flight of the Conchords' Business Time song here), then I'm going to MAKE time on another night to make up for it. Tuesday night will be painting night, so that I can still hit my Thursday morning deadline. 

It's about showing up. It's about being consistent, not only for the audience with which you're sharing your work, but with yourself. The more constistent and routine we are with our output, the harder it is to fall out of habit. I've been making my bed every single morning for a year. Prior to that, it'd maybe happen once a week, if that. But to better prepare me for each day, I decided that it was going to become a part of my morning routine, once and for all. Now, it's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning, because I know that if I don't do it then, it'll never happen. But I've also noticed that when I do make my bed, I am less likely to leave messes in other parts of my home. I feel a sense of order and balance, like I'm ready for anything. It also makes crawling into bed at the end of a long day all the more enticing.

Showing up creatively has also helped me with staying consistent with my exercise regime. I am much more likely to get up and go to the gym, because that's my morning hours are for. Nothing else. I know that I feel better and have more mental clarity and energy after working out than days when I choose not to. It's as simple and obvious as that. Working out means that I do better at my job, eat better foods, drink more water, and get more sleep. (Although I am up kinda late working on this post...) I find myself much more in tune now with how I'm feeling, physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Showing up is not just important for our creativity, our brand, or our following, it's critical to our overall well-being. I speak from experience, because it wasn't until I started making time for myself, that I started to see the trickle effect in my life. It isn't living life by rules, it's living life by choice, rooted in what we know to be true about ourselves. Realizing what works and what doesn't is half the battle. Making a change to last a lifetime is a completely different story.

And it all starts with making the time, showing up, and doing the work. 

Painting #3: The Hibiscus of Poipu

Today's painting is based on a photo that was taken during my most recent visit to the Hawaiian island of Kauai. Staying on the south side in Poipu, my dad, his wife, and I would walk the mile down the road to the local shopping plaza. Along the path, we'd see sea turtles, bobbing up and down among the waves as they crashed up against the rocky shore, cactus sprinkled along the terrain, and ridiculously vibrant and mesmerizing hibiscus flowers.

There's nothing quite like the fragrance that emulates from the landscape of Hawaii. I remember it distinctively as a little girl, when my family surprised me with a trip to the island. I held onto that memory as long as I possibly could. Returning to the island several years later, it all came back to me. The locale was just as beautiful and pungent as I had remembered, if not more, especially since I was of an age where I was truly able to embrace and appreciate that powerful energy. When I was young, it was nothing short of magical. Today, it's more along the lines of divine.

I have a few other photos that I'll be using during this project, so I can go into more detail about my experiences then, but it's safe to say that Kauai is without a doubt my favorite place on the planet. Even though I have yet to travel off of this continent, I already know that nothing will come close to the beauty and awe that is Kauai.

#3: The Hibiscus of Poipu (4x4 inches, watercolor)

Original Instagram photo:

The Art of Making Time

Painting #2: Central California Sunset (4x4 inches, watercolor)

Original Instagram photo:

This photo was taken during a trip to Central California to see my horse, Uno. My mom and I had stopped for dinner at Chipotle (our regular vegan-friendly spot when we're on the road), and the sunset was just too beautiful to pass up. This was taken from the parking lot, so you can see some of the lights in the picture. I took creative license, though, and left them out of the painting.

What I love so much about Instagram, and taking photos with an iPhone, is that you just never know where you're going to be when beauty strikes you. Having the ability to capture the moment (and then paint it a year later), is indeed, priceless. 

But I can't just post a photo of my next watercolor painting and then call it a day. I need some meaty content to serve up with it. So today, I want to talk about creating time. 

Wait, creating time? Doesn't everyone have the same 24 hours in a day? Yep. Which is why we have to be intentional with setting it aside for the things that truly matter to us.

I could use time to clean up my apartment (and most definitely should), but it ain't happening unless it's important to me in some way. If having a clean living space, that's organized and ready for me to be creative and spontaneous and relaxed in, well that's a different story. I can take time to go to the gym, but that treadmill won't see the likes of me unless it's going to serve a greater purpose. By realizing that exercising actually makes me a happier, more productive person, I no longer need to rely on the number of calories I'll burn as motivation.

So, if I've determined that cleaning my aparment and working out are important to me, then I must MAKE the time to do them. 

I spend most of my day managing calendars for other people. It's my job to make sure the colleagues I support are having the right conversations, at the right time, with the right people. Their time is valueable, and hard to comeby, so unless we MAKE time for them to meet about an important issue, it simply won't happen. 

This concept of setting aside time seems super rudamentary. Like, Duh! Then why don't we do this with the things that really REALLY matter to us? Like living our dream, taking risks, creating art, taking that trip, etc?

It's easy to get caught up in the things that we think are important to us, or what we think we're supposed to do. If you're simply doing it because you think you should, you aren't making time for yourself. You're letting your life situation take control. 

If we stopped and asked ourselves what we would REALLY prefer to be doing right now, chances are, it's not this. I'm flattered by the fact that you are actually taking the time to read it, but let's face it, there's definitely something deep within you that would rather be brought to fruition than this. It's okay that you're choosing to not do it right now, but it's important - critical, rather - that you recognize what it is, and why you're avoiding it. 

When it came to starting this art project, of painting/drawing two of my instagram photos per week, and publishing them online, I had to start by setting aside time. Well, first, I needed to determine my WHY. I came to terms with the fact that I just needed some sort of creative routine. I needed to remind myself that I am, in fact, very capable of being an artist. Of drawing, painting, and writing about it. But the only way I was going to prove that to myself and the world was to actually MAKE the time to show up and do the work. 

I had to treat MY schedule with the same level of importance as everyone else's. 

We make time by making a choice. When we choose to do the things that matter the most to us, we find a way to make them happen.

All images Copyright ® 2015 by Samantha Samuels